Change is that unavoidable word that is a measure of sorts, of the transformations that we all go through. I remember looking back at different points in my life where I could actually feel change washing over me. Many of these moments happened laying poolside during my teenage year during the summers between grade levels, and I can remember clear as day my conversations with friends as we would chat about feeling older and more grown up as we prepared ourselves for the upcoming school year.
Marriage has changed me.
Marriage has made me a partner in life to someone that I adore. Someone who has seen weaknesses in myself and taught me how to overcome them, made me a stronger person, essentially able to handle the cruel darkness that is sometimes NYC life. It has helped me understand love in a new way, not the way you love family, but the way you can only love one person in your lifetime. (Read more about our love story here.)
The biggest change though has been becoming a mother.
As a new school year begins and Branden’s 7th birthday approaches this month, I’m feeling lots of reflective moments pass my way as I’m examining firsts, lasts, and all the emotions that they bring. And I’m thinking about myself, how I have evolved and what the future holds.
Sometimes I think that I am not fun anymore. I was such a loud partier in college, and I remember laughing constantly. There is a part of motherhood, at least my motherhood story, that is so scheduled and rigid – there is my system and my need to get everything accomplished according to plan and my high expectations of myself – that sometimes I forget to stop and laugh. I think sometimes that this routine has become so much a part of me and has changed the way I look at life. Instead of the world being a question mark to answer, it has become a to-do list yearning for its tasks to be crossed off.
I love the confidence that motherhood has brought me. I am so in tune with my child that it has brought me a new connection with myself and my life – I am confident in myself and everything that I do each day. I am more sure of my actions and don’t second guess myself nearly as often as I did in the past. To give you a measurable reference, I was the girl who never raised her hand in class, even if she knew the answer. If I was called on, often times I second guessed myself, giving the wrong answer instead of what I knew was correct. Motherhood has helped that go away.
I love the body that motherhood has brought me. I share my story quite frequently here, but I can honestly say that after becoming a mother, I am more in tune with my body than ever. I will always struggle with wanting to lose my mid-section, but I know what my body needs now, when to eat, when to work out – and I listen.
Motherhood has changed me into a person that I can honestly say I’m happy to be. I’m content with my decisions, trusting myself, and while life always has its ups and downs, I know that I would have never accomplished anything that I have in life without being Branden’s mom.
How has motherhood changed you?