When You Feel Like Motherhood Got The Best of You, Remember This

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Monday was a day I took the world on and won. Tuesday I gave up at noon. Wednesday was a day I texted my husband reaching out for some major help – texting through tears because I was overwhelmed. We were both tired, I knew that, he new that – and I needed him to push through his exhaustion and just be there to take over things that I just couldn’t that day. And of course he was there for me, no questions asked. You could say that motherhood got the best of me and you would be 100 percent accurate.

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I’m the kind of person who writes her to-do lists for the week every Monday and if a day comes where I begin to get behind, anxiety starts to swell within me. Monday, I kicked that to-do list’s butt and even squeezed in a shower and a workout. I felt like I could take on anything. Then evening crept and I started to feel that chill creep within me and knew I was starting to get sick.

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Tuesday I got up and got writing that I owed my editor turned in, but not without a struggle. I was achy and had the chills and Blake would not go down for a nap. So we fought with sleep all morning and every single time I went to put her down, she of course woke up. I looked at the clock at 12:46pm and said “screw it.” I placed her in the bed next to me (which I never ever do) and took a nap next to our little sweetie.

So needless to say, I woke up Wednesday morning frazzled with a to-do list a mile long. And that’s when it all really hit me.

Crap.

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I still wasn’t feeling better. I had to take Blake to the chilly bus stop at 6:50am to drop off Branden. I got into a fight with our little guy about bringing a snack with him to the bus, him knowing it wasn’t what he was allowed to eat first thing in the morning. I immediately felt guilty starting our day like that. I returned home and  thought she would fall back to sleep – but that didn’t happen. I was overwhelmed with all I needed to do and it wasn’t even 7:30am.

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Chris came home from work early (to my rescue) and I got to sit and catch up on everything while he took the babe. I was able to reflect on the previous days through trembling fingers. My list was starting to wind down and my heart palpitations weren’t nearly as present. I could hear the sweet sound of silence coming from our living room where Blake and Chris took a nap and felt finally content.

I realized in that moment that all of this stress, all of the anxiety was because of one simple things: the fact that I care.

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I care that Branden eats healthy and gets to the bus stop in time. I care that in the moment that I decided to close off the world and lay down with Blake it was because deep down I knew that she needed me. I care that my husband knows how much I appreciate him. I care that I get work turned in on time. I might spend sleepless moments filled with mom guilt from time to time – but my kids, my husband, my clients, my friends will all know that I care. Some days, motherhood might get the best of me, but I will always remember this.

Fashionably Yours,

Allison

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