THIS has been one of the dilemmas in my life right now.
I GET that I am a young mother and that I’m the odd mom out who isn’t your typically NYC Mom with a Nanny on each arm at all times. But for goodness sakes, why can’t people just keep these comments to themselves?
I have to say that I pride myself on a being a pretty hands on mom. We don’t have much help here in the city and very rarely have a babysitter handy. During the school year, all of my business meetings, all of my writing, events, important phone calls, etc. happen during school hours. If I attend something in the evening, my husband comes home and is with Branden whenever I run out – it’s just the way it is in our household. So on recent days whenever I’m running around with B, since he’s on summer break, and I get asked if I’m the nanny, it stings.
But, the nanny talk went to a whole new level last week…
You see, B attends karate class in the notorious neighborhood of The Upper East Side (think Odd Mom Out, in Caps), and yes – many of the kids are brought to class by nanny’s, not their moms. I walk in every Thursday night with my little guy in tow and sit and watch class and enjoy seeing him progress. I’m involved, unlike a lot of the other moms – not to judge, but it’s the truth.
For some reason, Branden’s karate teacher cannot remember that I am NOT the nanny. Every week I get slammed with a new question that makes me want to ring his neck, but last week I was simply asked, “Oh, are you a live-in?”
A live-in? It didn’t register at first, but then I finally caught on that he was asking if I lived with Branden’s family. Nope, I am the head of Branden’s family, I wanted to respond.
I guess it all just circles back to that pre-school learned phrase “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” You really don’t realize sometimes how your choice of words can affect the people around you. While New York City culture is just different than anywhere else, to say the least, and nanny’s are the norm – it’s not my norm. I guess I’m not your typical New Yorker, and I’m okay with that, but getting this question thrown in my face from so many different places is just plain frustrating.
Motherhood is always going to be a bumpy road no matter where you live. There will always be some sort of thorn in your side type of comment that you can sense coming from a mile away, and we grin and bear it. But the beauty of motherhood is how we handle ourselves and move forward. The nanny comment is my thorn, and I will probably get asked this question 10 more times (not including Thursday night karate) before summer is through, but I’m trying to look at the positive. Hopefully whenever I turn 40 I’m still getting asked this same question. A girl can dream, right?
What’s your thorn in your side comment that gets thrown your way repeatedly?