On Friday, Branden took a (what we’ll call) “mental health day.” And I’m totally okay with that. Kids deserve them and need them just as much as we do as adults. I had been wanting to get to the Pixel Forest exhibit at The New Museum before it closed, and we finally did. (Check out some behind the scenes looks on my Instagram stories – it was a really cool exhibit!) Chris had the morning off, so he got up and watched the kids while I got my morning writing done, did all my invoicing, got dinner prepped in the crock pot, ran to the grocery store and finally – took a shower. It was truly magical all that I could get done by 11am whenever I wasn’t interrupted.
We had lunch and off to the museum we went, while Chris went in the opposite direction for work. It was nice to work that half day and get to spend the rest of the afternoon with the kids, being really present and focusing on this cool exhibit we were about to see. I felt like even though B wasn’t in school, I was giving him a culture lesson instead.Then, I realized: I want more days like these.
My truth lately is this: I’m struggling a little bit feeling like I should be doing more with my kids. I work from home, yes, my choice so that we don’t have to pay for child care, but some days I feel like I yearn for more. I scroll through Instagram and see my friends who are out and about with their kids, constantly exploring the coolest offerings of our city and I wish I could be more present to guide Branden and now Blake through these experiences as well. I squeeze as much as we can into weekends, but I’m not going to lie – sometimes the pressures of social media make me feel like I’m not doing enough.
Then, I opened my heart as I laid in bed that night and came to the conclusion that that’s just not my reality.
My reality is that I work. I work a lot. And I love what I do and I feel proud of myself that I am somehow succeeding in this highly competitive field and able to make more money now then I ever did working even fifty hours a week. But sometimes I wish for more days where I didn’t have to work so much. I wish for days of exploring. I wish for spontaneous trips to delicious restaurants and playing all day at the park. But for me, everything has to be planned. Planned around deadlines, getting posts and social shares done on time, planned around pitching and somehow coming up with endless ideas that are fresh and brilliant and that people want to read about. I’m always “on” and rarely (like once a week) have a moment or a day to just take it all in.
I must choose strategically when I can meet a friend for coffee during the day or which events I go to. Everything needs to have a place, because our bank account depends on it. This blog is a ton of work and I love it with my whole heart, but keeping balanced is key. I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong, just having one of those moments. As a parent, you wonder sometimes if you’re kids ever stop and think about hard we work to make sure that they can experience life the way they do. Do they really appreciate it all?
So I sat on Friday night and scrolled through my pictures from the day, and wished for more days like these. But then I realized something. If every single day were like today, then today wouldn’t have been so special. I’m lucky that I have the flexibility to work from home and randomly have a day where everything fell into place. It was refreshing and a blessing. So yes, more days like today are needed to fill my heart, but wouldn’t be nearly as impactful if they happened everyday.
Do you ever feel like this?